g-rad

There will never be world peace when someone is trying to own the world.

You can not control people into being peaceful. You have to set them free.

O great
mystery

Heaven help me
understand

Free your mind of desire. Rid yourself of all wants. Even the desire to fit in.

Stand out. Make a difference. Make a positive impact.

Be productive. Defeat the odds. Bare witness to your own glory. And don’t hide it from the world.

I am having trouble balancing the desire to disassociate from the real world with the urge to bring everyone else along.

The prophets over the ages have all envisioned a better world, yet things still feel the same. Will we ever change for the better? Or just change clothes and say we’ve changed. As we dance throughout the ages, nothing ever changes but the players in the game.

I only feel good while consuming.

Surrounded by all my peers again, who may or may not know how it feels to go without money for long periods of time. The need to have and spend money is ingrained into our brains since birth, and most people fear the loss of it so much that they always find a way to get it.

I am working my way up from zero again. Blew all my money over the last few months. Just started working again at my day job and I’m building back the reservoirs. But I have yet to be paid since returning and I will still be scrounging up change until the end of the month. What once was a full tub of coins has now dwindled significantly as I find I’ve mostly collected nickels and dimes over the years. Way to go, savings plan.

But I am young and I will bounce back. Glad that I’m back on track after all these tribulations.

And yet I miss the simplicity of the non consumer life. As I return home after work to my neighborhood, I allow myself to spend some quality time in the evenings with my homeless friends. They are sitting on the same perch in the same park that they do every day. Same old story, different set of words. Talking about events around the block while they enjoy their tall cans and try to scrounge up money for the next round.

I don’t miss the day to day lifestyle at all. Not knowing how and when you’ll get your next few bills to buy top ramen. I fell into it by accident this time as life took an unexpected turn. I’m glad to be back at work, but I’m saddened at the same time. To make money in this world, I find I have to give a piece of myself away. Tether myself to a beast that can feed me. Sell a piece of my soul for better tasting bread. The free loaves in the dumpster just aren’t good enough for my sophisticated palate. I was born in a middle class lifestyle, and I feel this deep seeded attachment to the finer things in life. Not the finest, but definitely a step above stale bread.

When I quit my job in 2005, I did it on purpose, hoping never to have to return to the 9 to 5 life to earn my bread. This time around, I never quit my job. And I am happy to be back. Getting tired of eating cheese sandwiches with no meat. And drinking the passed ass end of a High Gravity. I want to buy myself my own King Cobra. 40 oz. And a carne asada torta with all the fixens. Here’s to pay day. I can’t wait.

If you think of yourself
   as nothing but flesh

There is
   no magic
      left…

I got my soldiers right on
My left and right side, ride on…

by the ‘Zilla
featuring V.Y.L.E., g-rad, and J-MOL

Spades and stage rage Johnny Cage
Sin next of kin Sin City itty bitty
Titty committee fuck the inner city
Only less fortune late diggin through crates
Late-night fees to feed your disease
Slease lil ease release omit V.Y.L.E.
Just say why me hehehe

i be the one that make
    shit be happenin’

Nobody likes me, i’m a fucking prick
Gonna fuck the whole world up just for fun
Stopping time, automatic wind on your wrist
If you can survive you’ll know when i’m done
I’m too busy to waste my time in an ass
Fuck off bitch and find some class
I’ve been having nightmares in my daydreams
Bitch, i hear you scream

i be the one that make
    shit be happenin’

Whatever i have to do to get through the day
Is whatever i have to do and whatever i have to say
Spiderweb shadows for the visually impaired
Daytime nightmares for the past life scared
Code blue, code blue
   That’s for fucking living
      Now you’re going straight to hell
   Somewhere where you can’t come back from
Your body is a vehicle for your own death
   You didn’t believe
      Until you saw
         And when you saw
            You believed
         And your body was relieved
      But your soul will rot in hell.

i be the one that make
    shit be happenin’

Bullshit fucking town
And I’m the bullshit fucking Clown
If you are sane in an insane world
They call you crazy and keep you forever
Fuck all nonbelievers
Today is their judgement
Thank you Satan.
Sin City.

I once told my best friend Shawn that if I were to lose a sense, I would choose vision over hearing.

He thought that statement to be quite powerful.

A testament to my love of music.

I find more power in that statement every day

   As my vision worsens

      And I refuse to wear my glasses.

My hair against the window frame
   is the most beautiful sound I’ve heard
      today.

It’s a mirror dance.